you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
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