Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize