Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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