thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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