I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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