Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
