we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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