he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
