hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
