Jerry, you need to find god
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
