I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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