for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
