I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she told me i tasted like america
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Randomize
