I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
