peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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