also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
