i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize