I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you traded sex for a burrito?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
