I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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