Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm both gender and math confused
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
