Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
