I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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