I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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