for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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