she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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