I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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