Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
