I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
