Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
