i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
