I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
