ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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