i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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