So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
