so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
