Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
