Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i love accidental penises.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
