need another drink. this is the easiest way
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
