wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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