if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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