Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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