I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
