The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
