did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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