that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
