No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize