It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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