it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
