yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
