I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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