how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize