so that wasnt chicken after all
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
