she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
