i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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