he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I don't deserve a penis
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
