in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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