I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
