I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
