He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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