I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
