Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
