The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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