I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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