You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize