if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
