I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
