WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
