apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Randomize
