this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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