I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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