I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
