I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
