I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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