Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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