I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
