What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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