i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Text me some of your sweat
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
