she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
