Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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