im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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