I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
