last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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