I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize