All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We're too hungover to prance.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
