Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
