every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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