I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
