uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
