I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
