I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
soo... how was my night?
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