I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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