i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
