How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize