This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
