Got a toothbrush?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
