Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So vagazzling was a success
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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