What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
