Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Sorry about my life...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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