Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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