Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
