New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
