I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
