How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
