Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
