did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
smell my finger.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
