I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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