Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
