So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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