is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Dick very happy bro
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
