Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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