i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
