your parents love me but you hate me
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I think your dad took our porno
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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