I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
