Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
