i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Green mimosas i think yes
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
