Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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