there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
